Our darling, G, was born April 8, 2017, sleeping. That’s a nice way of saying he’s not with us. Our family of six will always have an empty seat, so to speak. The night I had to deliver him I sobbed and sobbed for what may seem silly or insignificant to many. I had forgotten his special narwhal blanket at home in another town and had no way to get it. A dear friend offered to drive it up to us. It was the blanket we had intended to bring him home in, although by this time while in labor and delivery, we knew that wasn’t a possibility. For some reason I needed that blanket. I felt guilty for forgetting it. I felt like it would change something if I could just hold it. I fell to pieces for forgetting it. It was his and he needed to be wrapped in it. I needed it. Well, a friend brought food to my husband and also the narwhal blanket. I twisted and turned it through my fingers and grasped at it as I waited on the inevitable. I held my son and the blanket didn’t do much to change anything that night. And yet it made an everlasting impact on my heart because it was his. And it was important. So many times, the smallest kindnesses can stay with us forever. I will always remember the night my friend drove 45 minutes to bring us food and our son’s blanket. He never got to wear his narwhal diaper, or sleep with his blanket, or hug his plush... but when I see narwhals, I know he’s mine and I am his. I am a mom of four. I just carry one of my kids in my heart. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness is important to us now, since we have become 1 in 4.
And here is the piece I ended up creating for Crystal in memory of her son Griphon